Yummo and yucko

Taken at a Rachael Ray book signing:

Some of you might question whether a Meximuff could actually wait 30 minutes for a meal. As you can tell by this rice and beans and flan fatso fleeing the scene, she forgot to convert from minutes into pesos. It's hard math.

 Seen a Fiesta of fatties? Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

"Sausage", really?

From "Kaisnut":

Hey, Homeland Security. I am about to solve your immigration problem right now. Every "La Migra" van you've got out there, just throw a "sausage" banner on it. I am predicting a 93% drop in Meximuffs by lunchtime.

Don't worry, you'll get the rest, soon. Some women will have to walk uphill.

In all seriousness, I hope she likes man-sausage. That's code for "my wang" if you're not hip to the lingo.

 Submiciones of your own:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The Fat Knight

From an undisclosed comic book store in California:

Sometimes I wonder if this website has pulled me so far in to the dark world of Meximuffs that they will consume me. Hey, it happened to Heath Ledger in Batman, and drugs can't literally eat you like these mavens of Muff can.

In fact, didn't Heath have a Mexican housekeeper who found him . . . ?


Sepia senorita

From an Amigo in the land of Schwashenefhngger:

I am not one to point fingers, unless they are delicious lady fingers.  In case you were unaware, "lady fingers" are a type of snack cake.  To be honest, they are a little high-brow for Meximuffs.  Then again, paper napkins are a little too high-brow for Muffs.  

Hey, I'm just being honest about my women.  They are precious to me.  Remember that cat you had when you were a little girl?  Tubby Latinas are my "cat you had when you were 5 years old".  Do you have a tissue?

The tragically hip

From our buddy in Cali:

Muff: Holy shite. What the f*#k is that?
Mexican: It's the new Belle and Sebastian . . . It's a record we've been listening to and enjoying, Muff.
Muff: Well, that's unfortunate, because it sucks ass.
Mexican: You're fat.

From the free county health office in Chambodia, Georgia:

Who's that blurry office worker with a big fat back?

It's me, it's me!


Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumpy

Submicione from Walt's fantastical Muffatorium:

Again with the horizontal stripes. You're just mocking me now. If I had my druthers, I'd take them and druther you to the bed.

I hope druthers come out with regular laundry detergent.

More from our Disneyland submicioner:

Alright, who screwed up the recipe on this one? Mexicans should have all lower back fat and no buttocks, not the other way around. Take it back before it breeds.

Whoops, too late. Send in the strike team. As in, I will strike 'dat ass with much prejudice.

Submiciones / commentalos: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Walk this way - duhnanah nah nah nah nah

More Muffcember doubly deliciousness:

One rarely sees chunky heels on Meximuffs. Top-heaviness can be an issue as one might imagine. I recommend installing cleats. Four-inch spikes should do.

Remember those lasagna enemies from the original Zelda?

December stocking double-stuffs continue:

It's almost as if her back is crying.

There are different types of tears, though. Pain, sadness, joy, and exhilaracion.

I would prefer to think that her back has long stopped blaming her gut for filling it with fat, and is now just waiting for the inevitable day when she gives up the ghost and stops bothering to wear a bra. On that day you will be free, back. Free to avenge the crimes committed against you.

Feel the burn

More of Santa's two-somes from our submitter at Disneyland, who says,

"This one works out, check out her tricep!"

Dude, when you're this ripped, you gotta flaunt it.

That, or have some goddam shame and cover your disgusting self until you regain some ability for self-control. Whichever works better for you. At least this way I have a reason to rub myself against my computer monitor.


I can always make more

More of Double-Muff December from Disneyland:

Let's face it. If the kid really did wander off, would you be able to catch him? Might as well kiss that nino goodbye.

The Muffiest place on earth!

It's a Hanukkah of Muffs this December, as every day will give you top-munchers even more of what you crave. That's right, double-muffs all month long!

We'll start with a large crop sent in from Disneyland. The sender says,

"If your looking for a special little muff, u have to go to the happiest place on earth! It was muffs galore this weekend!"

Hmm, to I want my Muff in the Old-West photo or in the medievel knight picture? How about right smack here for thousands to drool at, you devilishly tubby Mexican.


Curse you, black

From a cell phone in Atlanta:

What a great sign of the holidays.

Sweat pants wrinkled with strain, a tank top in sight most plain, and a fatso who speaks the language of Spain.

Too bad she's wearing black, cause that muff is on my brain.



From , "Janet", who writes:

"I would call this a triple decker muffin top!! Please enjoy!!"

Actually, Janet, this is much like 7- layer bean dip, in that it goes so much deeper than you think. The top three layers of upper-back fat, mid-back fat, and muffin top are the cheese, olives and lettuce. Certainly satisfying on their own, but if you go below, you see the sour cream, salsa and beans that are contained in her jeans.

So sour, so creamy. Please excuse me for a moment.


She's not dodgin' those cookies

From a cell phone in Long Beach, CA, who texts:

"Good ole dodgers fans!"

Uh, no, ma'am, we're completely out of Dodger Dogs. Here's a plastic bag full of mayonnaise packets and pretzel salt. Now, please leave us alone.

Victoria's Secret? Honestly?

From "Kaye", who writes:

"On the metro rail line in Los Angeles, CA. Taken with my cell phone. I see hundreds of glorious muffin tops a day, if only I had a taco for every one I've seen :[ "

Something tells me that Kaye's got a pretty sweet taco of her own. Or, that's the best I can tell by the shot of her knee.

From "Andrew", who writes,

"I was walking around the Toledo Zoo in the summer of 2007 when I was so lucky to find this spectacular specimen in it's natural habitat, the snack bar. I just had to get a quick snap shot only because no one would believe me."

Indeed, the Mexi-Whale Tail is a heretofore thought extinct species. Many thought they were driven out of their habitat by the encroachment of Planet Smoothies and GNCs. Thank goodness for the craphole known as Toledo.

eMailos con queso

My inbox is not always filled with Mexican females who smell like greasy dumpsters. Sometimes it is filled with words that hurt me:


from: Amanda Limon amandalimon@me.com
to: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

you're such an ignorant person, not just mexican girls gain weight on their backs,


you're blog sucks


Alas, Amanda is correcto. I didn't go to college. But once I grow a sufficient mustache, I feel confident in admission to Guadalajara Technical University. My major will be trans-fats.


Just add water

Another cell phone in California:

Sometimes Meximuffs do have some shame. This little lass, for instance, has taken the time to take the wrapper off her "Crystal Canola Oil" bottle. Could easily just be water, right?

Mi corazón, you do not need to hide from us. We love you for who you are, what you eat, how little you exercise, and what terrible fashion choices you make. Nothing more.

eMailos del grande

Here's an email I got from someone who I don't think browsed my site very closely:


from emails@mexicovacationtravels.com
to muff@mexicanmuffintops.com
subject Website Question


I wanted to know if it would be OK with you if I linked to your blog: http://mexicanmuffintops.com from my blog mexicovacationtravels.com? I think your blog will fit well with my list of blogs that I link to. Please let me know if this is OK.

I noticed you link to various blogs and websites, do you think mine is worthy to be listed on your blog? I look forward to your reply. Thanks.



I told, Murris, "Hell, yeah. Put my link on your site." Then, I got this email today:


from MVT
to muff@mexicanmuffintops.com
date Mon, Nov 10, 2008 at 8:45 AM
subject Link


Your link has been up and running. When will my link be up? :) Let me know. Thanks



Well, Kathy, here it is:

Tired of all these Americanized Meximuffs being scared when you pull up in your van to "chat"? Go to Mexico and get the real deal, without fear of deportation!

MexicanVacationTravels.com is sure to provide you with the cheapest and most obedient Muff-slaves for your and your accomplices' enjoyment.

Endorsed by Muff!