The Day of the Dead . . . Sexy

This submicione is from the muy erotica "Camille" in LA:

Camille went as a Mexican blueberry muffin for Mexiween. The Sombrero and sexy legs say, "Peel off my wrapper". The arm tattoo says if you screw with her, her hermano will make sure you don't walk right for a while.

Mr. Muffwell says he needs to have a little personal time with this picture. Knock before you come in, Mom!


Yet another from "Kellie's" trip to Mexi-Wal-Mart:

I never saw "Patch Adams", but I can only assume they called him "Patch" because he wore jeans similar to today's South American Muff. If Robin Williams can cure illnesses with laughter, I assume this Meximuff can do a half-decent job with droopy back fat and frosting.

Next time I try to asphyxiate myself in my garage with my Muff-huntin' van running, I beg that this lady come to resuscitate me.


From senorita "Kellie":

I haven't yet clocked how quickly MexiMuffs walk. In fact, I don't think they even walk to begin with. This picture reveals their gait is more of a pointless shuffling.

We see that MexiMuffs are much like the elderly, in that their movement is greatly limited without a walker. Except that MexiMuff's walkers are their kids' strollers.

So, you see, viewers, they don't have all those ninos because they need anchor babies and are burdened by Catholic dogma. They're to weigh down the other end of the stroller, and to give me boners.

The women, not the kids, you pervert.

Send me your delicious finds:

Tuesday Caption Contest: Taco Bell

Courtesy of "Todd", who says, "2 kids and a lot of black dont hide this triple top muffin...":

Here's a new feature we'll try out. Leave yours in the comment sectione:

My entry: "Ma'am, you can't bring in outside chalupas to our restaurant . . . Oh, my mistake. That's your terrible back fat."

This submicione is from "Meg":

This reminds me of the slow motion walking scene in Resevoir Dogs.

I see here we have "Mr. White", and "Ms. Oh My God, You Disgusting Pig, How Dare You Wear That Shirt? Don't You Realize You're Sixty pounds Overweight and Mexican?".


I don't know art, but I know what I like

This submicione is from "Yined", who says this snapshot was taken at the Miami Art Museum:

Miami is know for its hot nightlife and nude beaches, but little did we know that it had such a rich artistic heritage. Notice the right model, who buys extremely tight jeans, but she has such little ass that the pockets melt halfway down her thigh. Her back fat melts halfway in to the air. We now know the inspiration for Salvador Dali's melting clocks.

In case you ain't cultural or nuthin':


Food court, ahoy!

This submicione is from "Ashley":

Dear Macy's,

I would like to offer you premiere advertising space on my beauty-photograph website, As you can see by the enclosed photograph, there is a large segment of the immigrant population that is served by your apparel.

Macy's could offer a specially-branded MexiMuff line of apparel that goes well beyond tight shirts and pants. Tight scarves could push out neck fat, tight bracelets could push out wrist fat, and, as you can see, tight Mexi-UGS push out calf fat.

As part of our contract, I would request two-way mirrors be installed in my local Macy's dressing rooms. Don't worry, I will only use them when Mexicans are using them, and they don't sue.


Get your Muff sightings on here:

1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, flour

This user submicione is from "Hoodrat" via camera phone in Los Angeles:

Super-sweet quad muff, to be sure. I had never thought about it, but saddled up to the bar is a great position for MexiMuffs. Their back flab is on full display, and you know they're going to be a lot more "susceptible" to letting you rest your beer, nachos, salsa, hamburger, napkin, remote control, laptop, and salt and pepper on her back later that night.


So, I'm going to need you to go ahead and eat here this weekend . . .

This user submicione is from an unidentified cell phone camera in Long Beach, CA:

The Russian judge is giving this one a full 4-muff stack, 3.5 from Italy, and let's see what the Mexican judge will give it . . .

a 6.0?!?

This ruling is sending shockwaves through the Mufflympic world. Sources are telling us that the Mexican judge's hotel was searched, and bribes were discovered. These included over 40 bags of expired Fritos and an enchilada that was taken off of a customer's plate from a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant in North Hollywood.

More as the scandal develops . . .

Ole, ole, ole ole . . .

This user submicione is from "Gina":

Soccer is boring.

"Futbal", however, is amazingly sexy to watch. If you're a lady, you can stare at David Beckham's junk. If you're a señor, you can drool over the Meximuffs watching their hombres kicking a taped-up pillow around, or whatever else can be passed off as a futbal.

Or, if you're me, you can park your van in the public park parking lot at 4 am and drink off-brand energy drinks until all the señoritas arrive. One of these days, I'll work up the courage to pop open my van door quickly as they walk by and snag a MexiMuff for myself. Until then, I can only dream . . .


The belle of the ball

Cindermufferella can only look at those dresses and cry, because she knows that her wicked step-muffers will make her scrub the floors and eat brocolli when she gets home.

Little does she know that her fairy god-muffer will visit her tonight, bringing a glass slipper full of purple soda and a carriage carved out of a giant fried cheese appetizer.

On a related note, Halloween is coming up, so get those cameras out and get ready to snap all those after-dark Muffalitos rolling strollers up to your door and begging for sugary snacks to plump up their Muffs-in-training. I'm horny. Whoops.


Got some off-road wheels for that stroller?

This user submicione is from "Kellie":

I always thought county fairs were the exclusive domain of hillbillies like the mulleted ex-con in the background. Apparently not so.

I also thought for half a second that the apparently Oriental gentleman is the esposo of this slop-lovin' Spaniard. Asians are a close cousin of Meximuffs in that they share no rear end, but Charley almost never has a true Muff. Perhaps he is longing for what he never got at home. If we see him attending a pro football game, then we'll know for sure.


Justice will be served!

Is it really fair that there are millions of handicapped parking spots that go unused every day while Meximuffs must trod our fair country with ninos and strolleros in tow? I say, non!

I hereby announce a campaign to change half of all handicapped parking signs to "Meximuff Parking" signs. No longer will Spanish-speaking chubsters have to walk dozens of meters to get to third-hand clothing stores. This will save many calories.

I don't have a plan on getting them cars or licenses or citizenship or anything, but baby steps, folks. Baby steps.

Submiciones, por favor:

It's a f-ing schooner!

Those cross-your-eyes pictures were really big in the 90's. This one is really big because it's on the back of an enormous Mexican tubbo.

Also, over-under on how much bleach it takes to keep those pants white is set at 7 ounces per load.


Please buy it, please!

I had been considering opening a "Muffs R Us" store that only sold sizes XS, S, and M. Then I thought, "How am I going to keep all the hot women who should be wearing these clothes out, and only let in Mexican chunksters?"

The answer was simple: trails of Bimbo snack pastries from the bus stops to my front door. You might think Mexicans wouldn't eat cheap baked goods off the ground. You'd be a racist, though.



Oh, my aching muff!

This senorita is suffering from muff cramps. Normal cramps call for fluids and potasium. Muff cramps call for pizza rolls and Faygo soda. Also, proper stretching before walking to the poultry plant would have helped.

They need to have me teach Mexican health class.


The Fog

It was this exact day, one thousand years ago, when a mysterious fog crept in to all the bus stops of the ancient Aztec city of Chiapas. It cursed the people of the region with immense amounts of torso fat, and shrank all shirts larger than a size medium. Its people have roamed the earth, (via public transportation), for years, trying to quench their insatiable thirst for full-calorie soda and unprotected sex.

The legends foretold of a savior who could break the curse. Unfortunately, he was run over by a herd of strollers.

Do you dare tempt the curse?

Like shooting MexiMuffs in a barrel

This descendent of Cortez could have been wearing the infield tarp from Wrigley and there would still be a bulbous muff showing. As such, it wasn't too hard of a snag, though my first MexiMuff wearing "overalls", as you can see from straps hanging off of her rear end.

It's a real level of failure when you're too fat for overalls.

If you're wondering what her shirt says, I'll reveal the answer, because it's been haunting my dreams for a few days now:

"Magic Genie Lamp Hidden in My Pants.
Rub it, and a Wish Will Come True."

Does it count if you're rubbing yourself?