Yummo and yucko

Taken at a Rachael Ray book signing:

Some of you might question whether a Meximuff could actually wait 30 minutes for a meal. As you can tell by this rice and beans and flan fatso fleeing the scene, she forgot to convert from minutes into pesos. It's hard math.

 Seen a Fiesta of fatties? Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

"Sausage", really?

From "Kaisnut":

Hey, Homeland Security. I am about to solve your immigration problem right now. Every "La Migra" van you've got out there, just throw a "sausage" banner on it. I am predicting a 93% drop in Meximuffs by lunchtime.

Don't worry, you'll get the rest, soon. Some women will have to walk uphill.

In all seriousness, I hope she likes man-sausage. That's code for "my wang" if you're not hip to the lingo.

 Submiciones of your own:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

The Fat Knight

From an undisclosed comic book store in California:

Sometimes I wonder if this website has pulled me so far in to the dark world of Meximuffs that they will consume me. Hey, it happened to Heath Ledger in Batman, and drugs can't literally eat you like these mavens of Muff can.

In fact, didn't Heath have a Mexican housekeeper who found him . . . ?


Sepia senorita

From an Amigo in the land of Schwashenefhngger:

I am not one to point fingers, unless they are delicious lady fingers.  In case you were unaware, "lady fingers" are a type of snack cake.  To be honest, they are a little high-brow for Meximuffs.  Then again, paper napkins are a little too high-brow for Muffs.  

Hey, I'm just being honest about my women.  They are precious to me.  Remember that cat you had when you were a little girl?  Tubby Latinas are my "cat you had when you were 5 years old".  Do you have a tissue?

The tragically hip

From our buddy in Cali:

Muff: Holy shite. What the f*#k is that?
Mexican: It's the new Belle and Sebastian . . . It's a record we've been listening to and enjoying, Muff.
Muff: Well, that's unfortunate, because it sucks ass.
Mexican: You're fat.

From the free county health office in Chambodia, Georgia:

Who's that blurry office worker with a big fat back?

It's me, it's me!


Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumpy

Submicione from Walt's fantastical Muffatorium:

Again with the horizontal stripes. You're just mocking me now. If I had my druthers, I'd take them and druther you to the bed.

I hope druthers come out with regular laundry detergent.

More from our Disneyland submicioner:

Alright, who screwed up the recipe on this one? Mexicans should have all lower back fat and no buttocks, not the other way around. Take it back before it breeds.

Whoops, too late. Send in the strike team. As in, I will strike 'dat ass with much prejudice.

Submiciones / commentalos: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Walk this way - duhnanah nah nah nah nah

More Muffcember doubly deliciousness:

One rarely sees chunky heels on Meximuffs. Top-heaviness can be an issue as one might imagine. I recommend installing cleats. Four-inch spikes should do.

Remember those lasagna enemies from the original Zelda?

December stocking double-stuffs continue:

It's almost as if her back is crying.

There are different types of tears, though. Pain, sadness, joy, and exhilaracion.

I would prefer to think that her back has long stopped blaming her gut for filling it with fat, and is now just waiting for the inevitable day when she gives up the ghost and stops bothering to wear a bra. On that day you will be free, back. Free to avenge the crimes committed against you.

Feel the burn

More of Santa's two-somes from our submitter at Disneyland, who says,

"This one works out, check out her tricep!"

Dude, when you're this ripped, you gotta flaunt it.

That, or have some goddam shame and cover your disgusting self until you regain some ability for self-control. Whichever works better for you. At least this way I have a reason to rub myself against my computer monitor.


I can always make more

More of Double-Muff December from Disneyland:

Let's face it. If the kid really did wander off, would you be able to catch him? Might as well kiss that nino goodbye.

The Muffiest place on earth!

It's a Hanukkah of Muffs this December, as every day will give you top-munchers even more of what you crave. That's right, double-muffs all month long!

We'll start with a large crop sent in from Disneyland. The sender says,

"If your looking for a special little muff, u have to go to the happiest place on earth! It was muffs galore this weekend!"

Hmm, to I want my Muff in the Old-West photo or in the medievel knight picture? How about right smack here for thousands to drool at, you devilishly tubby Mexican.