Eternal tattoos: November 2008

Curse you, black

From a cell phone in Atlanta:

What a great sign of the holidays.

Sweat pants wrinkled with strain, a tank top in sight most plain, and a fatso who speaks the language of Spain.

Too bad she's wearing black, cause that muff is on my brain.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

From , "Janet", who writes:

"I would call this a triple decker muffin top!! Please enjoy!!"

Actually, Janet, this is much like 7- layer bean dip, in that it goes so much deeper than you think. The top three layers of upper-back fat, mid-back fat, and muffin top are the cheese, olives and lettuce. Certainly satisfying on their own, but if you go below, you see the sour cream, salsa and beans that are contained in her jeans.

So sour, so creamy. Please excuse me for a moment.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

She's not dodgin' those cookies

From a cell phone in Long Beach, CA, who texts:

"Good ole dodgers fans!"

Uh, no, ma'am, we're completely out of Dodger Dogs. Here's a plastic bag full of mayonnaise packets and pretzel salt. Now, please leave us alone.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Victoria's Secret? Honestly?

From "Kaye", who writes:

"On the metro rail line in Los Angeles, CA. Taken with my cell phone. I see hundreds of glorious muffin tops a day, if only I had a taco for every one I've seen :[ "

Something tells me that Kaye's got a pretty sweet taco of her own. Or, that's the best I can tell by the shot of her knee.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

From "Andrew", who writes,

"I was walking around the Toledo Zoo in the summer of 2007 when I was so lucky to find this spectacular specimen in it's natural habitat, the snack bar. I just had to get a quick snap shot only because no one would believe me."

Indeed, the Mexi-Whale Tail is a heretofore thought extinct species. Many thought they were driven out of their habitat by the encroachment of Planet Smoothies and GNCs. Thank goodness for the craphole known as Toledo.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

eMailos con queso

My inbox is not always filled with Mexican females who smell like greasy dumpsters. Sometimes it is filled with words that hurt me:

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from: Amanda Limon amandalimon@me.com
to: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

you're such an ignorant person, not just mexican girls gain weight on their backs,

DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE HUH?

you're blog sucks

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Alas, Amanda is correcto. I didn't go to college. But once I grow a sufficient mustache, I feel confident in admission to Guadalajara Technical University. My major will be trans-fats.

Submiciones:muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Just add water

Another cell phone in California:

Sometimes Meximuffs do have some shame. This little lass, for instance, has taken the time to take the wrapper off her "Crystal Canola Oil" bottle. Could easily just be water, right?

Mi corazón, you do not need to hide from us. We love you for who you are, what you eat, how little you exercise, and what terrible fashion choices you make. Nothing more.

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

eMailos del grande

Here's an email I got from someone who I don't think browsed my site very closely:

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from emails@mexicovacationtravels.com
to muff@mexicanmuffintops.com
subject Website Question

Hello,

I wanted to know if it would be OK with you if I linked to your blog: http://mexicanmuffintops.com from my blog mexicovacationtravels.com? I think your blog will fit well with my list of blogs that I link to. Please let me know if this is OK.

I noticed you link to various blogs and websites, do you think mine is worthy to be listed on your blog? I look forward to your reply. Thanks.

-Murris

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I told, Murris, "Hell, yeah. Put my link on your site." Then, I got this email today:

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from MVT
to muff@mexicanmuffintops.com
date Mon, Nov 10, 2008 at 8:45 AM
subject Link

Hello,

Your link has been up and running. When will my link be up? :) Let me know. Thanks

Kathy

----------------------------------------------

Well, Kathy, here it is:

Tired of all these Americanized Meximuffs being scared when you pull up in your van to "chat"? Go to Mexico and get the real deal, without fear of deportation!

MexicanVacationTravels.com is sure to provide you with the cheapest and most obedient Muff-slaves for your and your accomplices' enjoyment.

Endorsed by Muff!

The battle of the bulge

Another thing I will sell at my Meximuff fashion store will be bras size 44A. Give me a nice wide chest and an almost nonexitent cup any day of the Mexiweek.

No, seriously, give it to me. You've seen how close I get to these Mexican women, and you think I can't find where you live? There's a thin line, buddy, and you're about to cross it.

Brrr!

I was afraid that my beloved Meximuffs would begin to grow out their winter coats and hide that magnificently mouth-watering back flab.

I was wrong.

This culture always manages to overcome. Bless you, my people. You really are committed to the bottom of the barrel.

Submiciones: muff@mexicanmuffintops.com

Violencia domestico

From a cell phone camera in Long Beach, CA, who writes,

"She came to an auto repair shop after scratching her Navigator! she was terrified that her man was going to kil her!"

If it were me, I'd be forgiving. This sassy senorita could come home with a panty line like that in her flat rear end, a sort of butt-muff almost, and it would cause me to lower my fist. I'd still take a crack at her if she didn't deep-fry them chalupas, though.

From an unidentified submitter:

If this website ceases to be updated in the near future, it is because I have learned where this picture was taken, and have left to hunt this magnificent creature.